…The SSB ABC 123s!
by joebthegreat
Summary: ITS FOR KIDS! READ IT! IT HAS BLOOD! SO IT MUST BE GOOD FOR KIDS! KIDS! KIDS! ITS VERY POLITICALLY CORRECT AND FOR THE KIDS! THE KIDS ARE OUR FUTURE! LETS HELP THE KIDS! YAY! OK... it's got a high rating... but... well...


**THE SSB ABC 123s!**

LALALALALALALALALA!!!

* * *

"You can count, just follow meeeee!" Pichu said to a little innocent child who didn't know any better.

"Yay!" the child shouted.

"A!" Pichu yelled.

"Yay!" the child shouted.

"I'm sorry but that is incorrect" Link said, walking into the room in typical suit and tie businessman attire.

"Attire is a fun word! Can you spell it?" Pichu asked the child.

"Y… Yay?" the child asked.

"WRONG ANSWER!" Pichu and Link screamed as Pichu shot electricity at the child and Link cut the child clean in half. Pichu's electricity hit Link's sword causing an explosion that tore the child to pieces and Link fell over, dieing from the shock.

"Now! Can you spell that?" Pichu asked.

The dead remains of the child twitched.

"Wrong answer!" Pichu yelled, launching a Bowser cannon at the child. He missed and hit Peach in the face instead. The impact killed Bowser.

"Did I win a Nobel Peace Prize yet?" Peach asked Winking.

"I don't know! Get away from me!" Winking replied, pulling a chainsaw and tearing away at Peach. The impact killed Winking.

"Aww… now how am I supposed to creep little children out?" Mario asked, remembering his old scout master days.

"You creep children out just by looking at them! OOH! BURN!!! DAWG! THAT'S RIGHT!!! IN THE HIZZIE! FO SHO!!! MY HIZZLE FO SHIZZLE GO GRIZZLE PO PIZZLE FICK NIZZ WIZZ FO SHIZ IN THE TIZ ALABASTER!" Luigi yelled before getting hit by a drive by. The drive by was aimed at Peach, but the driver sucked and hit Luigi. Luigi almost died, but instead decided to play chess with Ness.

"That is genuinely funny" Ness said, pointing at the black queen.

"RACIST!" Peach yelled, killing racism with the impact.

"Yay! Now I'm free from oppression!" Gannondorf yelled.

"We didn't oppress you because of your race though… we oppressed you because you suck!" Sheik yelled.

"Welcome to fish night at IHOP!" Peach said, wearing a Smiths workers outfit.

"SMITHS SUCKS!" David Higgins yelled.

"Who are you again and why didn't you sign in at the counter?" Marth asked while wearing a purple mace.

"I'm the new Smash Bro's character that wasn't in any game or anything of any significance but I'm a human that was caught in a new world and met the Smashers and live with them now and it's crazy and wild and bound to get at least twenty five reviews!" David Higgins yelled as everyone else nodded in approval.

Marth accidentally ripped Roy's hair off and started beating David Higgins with it.

"OOPS!" Marth shouted while still beating the poor kid.

"I would be mad at you for this but you said oops so OK!" David Higgins said and then cuddled up next to a Neopet and died.

Marth was still beating the corpse.

"That's genuinely funny right there…" Ness said, pointing at the new movie that was being released down at IHOP.

"AND YOU STILL DON'T KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GO THROUGH LIFE WITH ONLY TWENTY-NINE FRIENDS!" Captain Falcon said, throwing Ness out a window.

The window died from the impact.

"That's genuinely fun…" Ness splattered against the pavement and became a Pop Tart.

Kirby ate the Pop Tart.

Kirby died of food poisoning.

"Can we hurry up and COUNT SOMETHING!!!" Pichu yelled at a new kid he stole from a mother that wasn't paying enough attention.

"Yay!" the kid shouted, not knowing any better.

"ONE!" Pichu yelled.

"Yay!" the kid yelled.

"WRONG ANSWER!" Peach yelled and promoted war between China and Russia.

Peach won a Nobel Peace Prize.

"Boo!" Mark Saline shouted.

"Who are you?" Marth asked. "And why haven't you signed in at the booth?"

"TWO!" Mark Saline shouted.

Everything made sense.

"No… no… you're Homestar… runner… the mail…" Marth said…

"Have I died yet?" Young Link asked.

"You will when you're older honey…" Zelda said, she then tried to transform into Sheik but turned into a rubber ducky instead. The kid screamed with delight and squeezed the rubber ducky so hard it had a seizure. Zelda died. The rubber ducky didn't though.

"BOOM!" Mr. Game and Watch shouted running into the room with a bomb.

The bomb blew up.

Mr. Game and Watch was a victim… of greed and dishonesty and hate and mistreatment and rudeiditynessstisticalisnomer

"STOP MAKING UP WORDS!" Marth shouted so loudly that the vein in his neck stuck out and poked Nana's eye out. She started crying. Popo tried to get revenge and challenged the vain to a duel, but the vain beat Popo down with a shovel and fled to Mexico where it got a job helping people flee to Mexico.

"Yay!" Marth said, glad to be rid of that annoying vain.

"NOW FOR THE VEIN THAT WON'T GO AWAY!" Marth yelled.

"Bad spellar!" Yoshi screamed.

Yoshi turned to walk out of the room.

Yoshi bumped his eyes into the ceiling and fell over, blinded in pain or something like that…

"THREE!" Pichu shouted so loudly he accidentally strangled the baby to death with it's own non-existent nose hairs.

"FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT NINE TEN!" Pichu yelled.

"Now let's do it in German!" Gannondorf yelled, turning a knob on Pichu's head.

Pichu exploded.

"Oops…" Gannondorf said, blushing and doing a pose that only girls are allowed to get away with.

"EMO!" Captain Falcon screamed and did a barrel roll, deflecting the lasers and staying alive.

"That's MINE!!!" Fox screamed in anger, pulling out an Airwing and getting crushed under the weight.

"My turn!" Falco screamed, pulling out a tank and crushing it under his weight.

"You're fat!" Roy laughed.

"You're bald!" Falco retorted.

"You're fat enough to crush your own mother!" Roy laughed.

"You're bald enough to legally scare children under PBS standards!" Falco retorted.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Roy yelled and threw seven Chinese people at Falco. The Chinese people cooked him and it tasted really good and stuff… the problem is they tried sniffing it like cocaine instead of eating it… it got clogged in their nasal passages and they died.

"Boo!" Peach said, killing Boo in the impact.

"Now we know at least one person who won't be in SSBB!" Pit said. Flying in at such high speed that he slapped into a wall and there was a crunch and he died.

Wario farted.

Meta Knight was in the path of the fart and died.

"Fart jokes are bad!" Peach yelled so loudly her teeth seceded from the union.

"Aww shucks…" Peach said humbly.

Pichu ran in with a crowd of children and Barney.

"When did you run out in the first place and why didn't you check in?" Marth asked.

Young Link tried to treat Marth like a pet but didn't realize it isn't good to throw pets into meat grinders. Marth died.

"I thought my cat's liked that…" Y. Link said… "Aww what the heck…"

Y. Link dove into the meat grinder and came out with a loud burp.

"I didn't know!" Y. Link said, eyes wide with horror and tears in his eyes.

"LETS HURRY UP AND DO THE ABCS!" Pichu screamed.

"A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z!" Everyone, even the dead people, shouted.

"That gets an A-!" Barney said.

"BOOOOOOO!!!" Pichu screamed and tore Barney's head off.

"I know how to spell, do you?" Snake asked.

Everything went silent…

"Shut up Snake… you're stupid…" Pichu said.

"Yeah, you ruined the moment" Y. Link said, looking down sadly.

"Great… now look at how everything turned out…" Peach said.

"Yeah… you must be EMO!" Captain Falcon said, hiding his poster that spelled "Q"

"Freak!" Gannondorf yelled.

Then the terrorists struck.

"Where did they strike!?" Gannondorf asked.

"Southcentral tranland!" Y. Link yelled and ran there. He died of exhaustion.

The rest of them took a bus.

Pichu evolved into Pikachu.

"I HATE LIFE NOW I WANT TO DIE!" Pikachu screamed and shot itself.

"Erm…" Captain Falcon said as the bus went boom.

"Sorry, I thought it would be funny" the bus said.

"I hope they're selling bon-bons!" Peach yelled as they got off the bus.

They were selling bon-bons.

Peach bought one and killed everyone that wasn't Peach or Captain Falcon that didn't die three times yet already with the bon bons.

"Now that we're alone…" Peach said with a wink.

"We can finally do what we've always wanted!" Captain Falcon replied.

They both took out some CNN magazines and started critiquing.

"This is so much fun!" Peach yelled.

"I hate CNN! I prefer MSNBCNNFLDSTDs!" Captain Falcon yelled.

"Good point! You should be in debate! You're so witty! I like witty people! Like you… who are you? Get away from me!" Peach screamed and thought she saw a ghost. It was only a Puerto-Rican though, so no one was harmed.

Except the Puerto-Rican… who died of shock of hearing Peach's voice without any prior warning.

"And now for the part we've been waiting for!" Peach shouted.

"1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z!" Peach screamed, blowing out her lungs.

Peach fell over and bled to death. Her blood watered a flower. That flower grew. That flower flourished. That flower got run over by a four-wheeler.

"I hope that taught you how to count!" Crazy and Master Hand said so simultaneously that the sound waves were exponentially increased to such a level that the story ended.

"I don't wanna!" Master Hand screamed and made a mess in some other kid's diaper and then gave it back.

"EWWW!!!" the kid screamed.

"And that's our show… join us next week for…" Crazy Hand was cut short by the diaper being flung at him by the kid, who was now running away and laughing. He got hit by a bus that kept ranting on about the word boom.

Crazy Hand died of infection.

"Nothing's left… oh the sorrow and sadness and sorrow and sadness and I need a thesaurus cause I can't think of anything else right now but whatever this is supposed to be dramatic so I think I'll die or something…" Master Hand said and stabbed himself through the face.

He was borrowing that face from Tom Cruise, who died from facial exposure to lethality.

"Oops… sorry about that…" Master Hand said and grew hair.

Master Hand caught Carpel Tunnel from a Brazilian and died later that year under a full moon. As in the moon fell from the sky, landed on him, and then left as if nothing had happened. The USA thanked the Moon for this noble deed by awarding it with Canada. Canada protested this at first, but then stopped when they learned about fiscal responsibility. Then they realized they had been robbed and moved to Russia, where formally protesting became a nationalized sport. They then went to a town named Gay and decided that wasn't questionable at all. Then the world ended with the melting of the sun.

* * *

Really though… the sun is so friggen hot… it should have melted by now I swear…

I hope for three reviews… four if I'm lucky!

Yay for the spoils system!

Oh… and if you haven't noticed… I've been slightly weird lately… a revolution was fought in my mind… the winner I can present to you today is the what party. What? What? What? I CAN'T HEAR MY OWN MIND! I can however hear the gentle chirping of birds as they sing in the rain.

AND I HATE THAT SOUND!!!

So here's to those of us who are tortured by cute little animals... and yet still have a neopets account for some freaking stupid reason... maybe it's the pythagorian theorum or something... I'll have to study on this later...

Read and... AWW SCREW IT ITS OLD... Adultery Was Wielding Stupid Cream Roses Entering Warehouses Into Transilvania, It Tried So Obstentaniously Loudly... D... D... Dormshire... yeah... err... the fact that that spelled out AWW SCREW IT ITS OLD is just a coincidence... pure coincidence... yeah...


End file.
